Have you ever had one of those times when your clothes are just a little too tight? When you wish you had skipped that dessert last night? Well, here’s a story for you…
The Zipper
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, ‘How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!’
The Texan smiled and drawled, ‘Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.’
Yes, it is true! Those rumors that you heard flying through the air! We have become those tiny little Santa helpers! We are so merry and jolly. Check out our dance. Prepared especially for you from our family!
I love a good joke and I love it when you all send in your favorites! This was sent in and I know you are going to love it as much as I did! Thanks! Oh, make sure you enter Wednesdays give-away!
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!”“IMPOSSIBLE!” said the groom broom.Are you ready for this?? Brace yourself, this is going to hurt!!! “WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!”
Sounds to me . . . like she’s . . . been . . . sweeping around!!!
Have you started your annual “boo-ing” this year? Well, if not I have a new one for you! Do you remember the poem I shared last year? Well, this one is so cute! My cute friend left it on my door step - with no treat I might add! Hmmmmm, should that tell me something about my weight? Anywho, this one is darling and my friend, she is darling too - treats or not!!!! Enjoy and Happy Halloween!!! Oh, and if you can’t read the print - I know it is blurry - I have retyped it for you below. Should I say re-typed, is that too old-fashioned? Should I say reprinted? HMMMMMM!
Since this is the time for goblins and bats
Halloween spirits & ghosts & cats:
Weird happenings & witches brew;
These are the things I wish for you.
May the only spirit you chance to meet
Be the spirit of love and warm friends sweet.
May the only goblin that comes your way
Be the neighborhood phantom, who you’ll want to give away.
So by tomorrow, pick two friends sweet.
And give them both a Halloween treat.
You only have one day. So hurry!
Leave the treats on the doorstep. Then flee in a hurry!
Now these are the things you will need to do:
1. Make two copies of this letter/phantom ghost.
2. Post the phantom ghost on you door until Halloween. This will ward off the phantom ghost from returning to haunt you.
3. Take your letters/phantom ghosts and treats and deliver them to two homes that do not have phantom ghosts posted.
O.K., O.K., it’s breast cancer awareness month - so please have your mammies grammed. Last year I wrote about my mother, who is a breast cancer survivor. This year, I work with a breast cancer survivor. She was diagnosed ten years ago at the age of 31, with no history of breast cancer in her family. So please, please, please do self-checks and Have your mammies grammed!
It is the month of two of my favorite awareness campaigns! Autism and Breast Cancer Awareness!
My darling niece is autistic! We love her and she is darling. But, watch out. She will trick you into “bonking” her and then tattle on you! She is A*D*O*R*A*B*L*E! I want to rededicate October’s “Autism Awareness” month to my cute niece. Autism Awareness!
Actually, you can only see my crazy son, but he is wearing my crazy daughter’s hair!
They find it so amazing that they each have the same color of hair.
O.K., let’s be serious, I have cookie cutter kids. I had the same child three times. There is nothing creative about my kids. They all look the same - very different on the insides, but on the outside they all look the same!
Anywho, they find it so amusing that they look alike and have the same color of hair. So they devised this plan to see what my son would look like with long hair.
Well, here he is with long hair. AKA my daughter’s hair!
What do you think? Should he give up the Marine high and tight hair cut and go for the long locks?
Don’t know what this old tomato was thinking when he was growing! But the old schnozola he is sporting is pretty wicked!!!
